Man I’m tired. And I’m angry about it… and resigned and uncaring. Every time I hear about a runner or see a runner, I bitterly fume that I’m pretty sure that person doesn’t have a 2 year old and 1 year old, while working full time and getting a masters degree full time and and and….
Yeah, it’s not rational. And it’s not nice. And to be honest, I’ve found time to run in even more extreme times than that. It’s just that I’m worn down from the past 2 years of juggling it all. And yesterday, to my surprise, I was whining to the spouse about how running just wants so much from you. It’s not like biking where you can half ass it. With running you have to be hydrated, you have to be rested or else your feet are lead, you have to have fueled properly. The list goes on and on. It’s the most unforgiving and unbending damn exercise! Then I’m like, get a grip. I think I’m projecting school and work and kids on running.
Then my dear spouse politely reminded me that I have 4 races coming up, the first of which is the beginning of November. The good ol Disney Wine & Dine Half. My heart kind of sank. I quickly calculated “Well I’ve still got time. What are we at? 6 months out? Um, 5? Damn.” I mean, where did the time go?
Debating on getting out the door today to do a run. Don’t even know where to begin. Logic tells me to do a nice and easy, out and back. First few starter runs always painful (mentally) but then you get back into it. It’s getting out the door. You start thinking – I haven’t spent enough time with the kids, I have that big project due for school, I’m exhausted from work, I think I’m getting sick…
K, well that’s it. We’ll see what happens. A good friend told me to give myself a break and not put so much pressure on myself with workouts. As good as it felt to hear that, guilt and self shaming are still pretty strong with me.